Thursday, February 28, 2013

Stall

By brewt.blacklist

January-February 2013

“PLEASE DO excuse me; I’ll be right back.”

Claribel scraped the chair back, continuing to smile and chatter as she stood, getting in the obligatory references to the little girls’ room, darn that Mother Nature and her cursed call, yes, yes, there’s a fire somewhere that needs putting out and I’m just the girl to do it, dear lord, if she had to go through any more, she wouldn’t make it. She didn’t actually have to run, but she was, well, focused, to say the least.

No sooner had she gotten the paper on the seat down and lifted her hemline and wrestled her knickers to her knees and turned but she leapt through the ceiling, stopped her heart cold and drowned, standing upright in a public privy with a shriek that at least didn’t reiterate itself when the knock on the door happened again.

“Open up.”

Jesus Fucking Christ, no. “Go away. I’m busy.”

“Open the damn door, Clari.”

“No! Leave me alone, Wyatt, just for a fucking minute. C’mon, night off. Please?”

“Open the door, or I’ll start pounding on it.”

“That’s not going to get you what you want.”

“I could come right through it, too. Do you believe this piece of wood would stop me? Open it.”

Her breath shortened; oh, god, what else he could do. If push came to shove, he could force the door open, unhinge it if necessary, drag her out by the hair, make her pee in front of their friends, then offer her mouth up as a urinal service to anyone who wanted it. Not that any of them would take him up on it, but still, the threat of that idea occasionally ran through her mind, and this was one of those times. She swallowed, let her skirt drop, and unlocked the door. Locks: this place was so upscale.

He opened it, shoving her into the stall until she sat back down. She was almost fully dressed and felt completely exposed, clumsy, akimbo.

“What do you want?”

He spoke slowly, aspirating down toward a low whisper. He often did that; it commanded her attention, and it had a low undercurrent of menace and malice and malevolence underneath that most of the time he didn’t actually feel. It had become a habit more than anything else. “Take off your dress.”

“No—I don’t want—”

He slapped her, violating a limit right off the bat.

###

“OPEN HANDED, not on the face” was the first thing she said after his original, first-time-ever my-god-are-you-insane request to hit her, that had, until right now, after all these—gosh—years, been an unquestioned law. He was so timid that first time, so unsure of what would be acceptable, why she would ever even consent to such nonsense, it was just a fantasy at the time, to see what would happen, get it out of his system, and never in a hundred generations did he expect her to go along with it, to indulge such a petty little-boy application for such a forbidden thing that didn’t exist any more, not since the caves, not since the dark ages, not since granddad’s time, just say it, trust her enough to say it, she’ll shoot you down and that will be that, it’s just a demonstration that I have feelings I’m not supposed to and I’ll share them with you and that’ll be enough and it’ll be over and we can work on the trust we had broken so many times in other ways, and we can move on. She floored him completely when she didn’t laugh, when she didn’t scowl and she didn’t say no, are you kidding me, get away from me you fool, no, that’s not what happened at all. It was a quiet intimate sinful moment he had with his wife and she didn’t make him feel like he was committing a crime or a violation or a trespass at all, forgive us, oh Lord, as we forgive those who trespass against us, it’s alright, I’m glad you told me, I’m actually glad you said something, wait, would it be better like this, you don’t ever have to ask my permission ever again, if I understand how this works, I should, wait, should I kneel, of course, I’ll get on my hands and knees, I’d be glad to, go ahead, wait, would it be better if if I was was b-bare? She was she was willing to let him d-do that to her; by our Father who art in heaven I love this woman, I will never abuse you, I will never abuse this, honey, it’s just a little thing that passes, thank you thank you are you sure thank you. Yes. He spanked her lightly; it wasn’t much more than a pat on the back, er, the butt, and he clutched her long and shuddered and she watched him melt and yes-yes-yes she would do it again, it was just such a little thing and he didn’t make love to her she made love to him and he cried he actually cried she had never seen that before and it melted her and yes, yes, it happened again on another occasion and it was fine: she could do this, yes. She didn’t really comprehend it all but it was what he needed and she could love him this much.

It led to other things, this tiny little insignificant turn of an immature misunderstood expression of power, things they had both been warned against their entire lives, warnings they came to question as they got steeped in it all.

Things escalated, slowly, over time and as he relaxed with her and took care of her and took care of what he did to her, and as she found her own strengths in taking this on from him, and because he could do something slightly wrong with her and not be condemned for it, he opened up, he let his hair down, there weren’t so many eggshells on the floor, and as he took down his fences, so did she. He exposed himself to her, and not just by flashing his dick in her direction—which was never less than funny until the day it suddenly wasn’t—and she fucked him blind. My god, what was that, that, that was something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time, to show you something, something about me that I’m not supposed to. She finally confided in him of her own stealthy feelings of not wanting to be a princess, but a whore, being wanton, of burning for men—for him, him—and he had married a dishonorable woman and and that that is alright, dear, I still love you, thank you for telling me, I needed to hear that, I think we can work with that, and they played with that in secret, in the still of their home, never quite out in the open in the world, no one would know the things they would do for each other, and they eventually ended up being many. They never went beyond what she could handle. They never went beyond what he could handle. A fledgling sadist and a fledgling whore. He would tease her and embarrass her and ridicule her and make her do things she didn’t want to and fuck her and she would accept his need to hurt her just a little—at first, of course; it all intensified over time, are you sure that’s okay, please quit asking me that, just shut up and hit me—and she would do cum-stunts for him and she would get him to do even more things to her, things she had to goad him into and she would fuck him. And the secrets grew and took on a life of their own as they more and more got daring, dirtier, demonstrative.

###

UNTIL HERE. Tonight. At the tavern. There were friends just on the other side of that paper-thin wall, and she was terrified someone would come in, find him here, in the women’s facilities with her, doing god-knows-what. Holy fuck, it triggered something in her, something she fought but didn’t want to. Not here. Not tonight. Surprise.

The strike had not even finished leveraging her over to the side before his face was beside hers, being insistent, repetitive, menacing. “Take off your dress.” Wyatt uprighted himself and before she had gotten herself back up, he hit her again.

She simpered a little, clutching the side of her face while he waited for her to recompose herself until she could put her hand down.

“If I do that again, you’ll have something you’ll have to explain.”

“Yeah, my fucking husband came into the women’s room and beat me, demanding I strip off my cleverly assembled ensemble for him. How would you like that to be the explanation that came out?”

“How would you like to show what you do for me in our bathroom at home out there for them? Take off your dress.”

“They won’t sit for that.”

“Do you think it would matter to them that it wasn’t my idea in the first place?”

She choked, “Oh, fuck.”

“Now quit farting around here, and take off your dress. Right god damn now, Claribel.”

“Oh, shit. Shit. Jesus Christ. Fine.” She angrily wrestled with her raiment up over her head, bumping into him, mussing her hair until she could hand it to him, fuming, hating him right here, right now, with an inkling of a plan brewing to do so for all time, naw, you wouldn’t do that, shut up, asshole.

He took her clothing from her and hung it on the coat hook on the door. “That thing, too.” He pointed at her chest. Her dainties were still at her knees.

“God damn it.” She combatted her way into nudity and slumped on the porcelain, covering herself with her hands as best she could. She couldn’t wait any longer; she peed hard, directly into the water and was noisy about it. It vexed her as it always did when he would come in and watch her take care of business; she could never bring herself to look up at him as she urinated, despite his endless cajoling, c’mon, just do it, let me see you, and most of the time, she couldn’t even do it, not with him standing there, looking down at her, snickering when she would make the watery sounds. It was too damn far; this lesson of growing up was hard to break in her. Not like when he sat on the toilet and she knelt in front of him—coming in close, pouring herself into his mouth, being engaged with him as he evacuated his bladder, his bowels, putting her hands where he did when he did such things by himself, feeling the pulse, touching things she shouldn’t, god, will you fuck me—no, that was quite a different matter.

He lynched the corselet gorge on the hook over the other cloth. “Now take your panties the rest of the way off and put them into your pussy.”

“God, you’re creepy.” She wiped herself and pulled the chain to flush.

“Do as I say: masturbate.”

“That is not going to work. This is not turning me on in the least.”

“Then nothing will happen. Do it. And sit up and quit trying to hide yourself.”

“I really hate this.”

“Do I believe that? Stop looking like you hate it, and tip your head up toward me. I want you to look in my eyes.”

She rolled her eyes up and frowned and sneered and conveyed just how much she hated this.

Wyatt’s hands found their way the way they do to undo the clasp of his belt as was his way, opening the top of his pants which promptly slid to the floor, quick-drawing his wife’s gaze from where he had ordered her to look toward what he was doing as he pulled his own undies down toward his knees. Claribel stopped what she was avoiding doing to herself and said “Oh, fuck,” as he was working on unbuttoning his shirt and drawing it back to expose his cock to her.

He was quite erect.

“I suppose this means you want a suckjob.”

“No.” He put his hand onto his cock, and started moving it up and down, pressing it flat against his belly, just an inch or so in each direction. Up, down, up, down, getting faster.

Her shoulders drooped. “You know that’s hurtful.”

“Get back to work. And look up at me.”

“God damn it, Wyatt, please, I don’t like this. This doesn’t make me feel right. Not like this.” Her face had gotten to pleading.

###

THE FIRST time he had taken care of himself in front of her like this, making her watch, standing over her, refusing to let her so much as brush him, she cried. He wiped himself up with his own bare hand and spread it on her tits and painted her lips. It made her feel completely barren, objectified, and the worst was that she felt she was being excluded from him.

“Now you do it.”

“No. Fuck off.”

It was abhorrent for her to caress herself for him; almost as bad as him doing it for her. Sure, guys liked that sort of shit, but it was so invasive, so selfish, so fucking stupid that she could never get off with him watching.

She wasn’t a fuck monster—no, lead me not into temptation, not that one, not then—no matter how much he treated her like one.

After both occasions—because, god yes, he did it again, he just had to do it again, god damn it—of him showing her what he could do to himself, she withdrew from him for a week. He wouldn’t let her retreat the second time like he did the first and he lavished attention on her after that second go-round, making passes at her every day, making with the teasing that is necessary for love toward her, making lewd suggestions at every turn, but he was unapologetic for the insult and by the end of the week she relegated it to an occasional quirk that please promise me that won’t happen too often, I mean, sure, it had its uses, but please, it was much better to be involved and engaged and faithful with each other than to be dissociated, pretending we didn’t have a responsibility to each other, inventing distance where there wasn’t any.

The second time it saddened her, Christ, is this the way it’s going to be, hurry up, get this the fuck over with you shit, and she cried again. He made her lick off his stomach and suck his semen from his pubic hair and she despised being a cum bucket, a cum sponge, a fuck toy, nothing more than his own personalized living nudie French postcard to jerk off to, the fucking god damn asshole jerk, wasn’t everything else the jerk did to her bad enough.

Then again, maybe despised wasn’t quite the right word. That whole second week she was so mad at him for doing that to her again, pushing him physically away from her when he would get frisky, how could he, why doesn’t he get it, but she also couldn’t keep her hands off herself and attacked her pussy with a near-violent frenzy when he wasn’t around. She had no idea how to tell him how much it turned her on because it just wasn’t sanctioned, it wasn’t permitted, I’m not allowed to allow for that, god damn it, my god, no one would accept that she—shit—l-liked being a target for sperm. And when he flashed her for the umpteenth time, it all bubbled up and she took the plunge, she had to, she took the risk, she just had to, she took her husband right there in the kitchen, on the floor, and she she she told him, how she dreamt of of b-being a p-prosti-t-tute, can you can you…still…

…he fucked her in the ass. He threw her off him oh shit what have I done and he forced his way in and he used her he used her ass he used her in the ass with a howl as he pulled on her hair and slapped her and struck her and fucked her and swore at her and called her the name he would bring up in church and on the street that got her to twinge and he called her the name that he called her when he fucked her and when he licked her and when he made gentle sweet idealized love to her and when he teased her and he fucked her and she screamed for more than one reason and he fucked her and she sang as she fucked him back, glory glory hallelujah. That was a yes. That was a god-damn-woman-I-love-you yes, I love you, too, now fuck me like you mean it. Much better to fuck, much better to fuck like this, come on, cowboy, lift your hand and brand your soiled dove with your hot cock, which was an image that was only good once, despite having all the right bits and pieces, and why does that work that way here when so many other ideas work over and over, and they would laugh and wonder and shut up and fuck and oh, that’s better, stupid language, getting in our way, shut the fuck up and fuck, oh god yes sir. That was a year ago.

###

THIS TIME, it was different. She was simultaneously angry and interested and uncaring and embarrassed and I thought we were passed this and what the fuck how could I be getting turned on by this god damn it isn’t it enough that we fuck and you hit me and we fuck and do dirty unspeakable things and we play and it was such a jumble of emotions playing through her that she felt herself floating, and she saw something in his face, something from a night or two from so long ago when things would change, and something caught in her, and her free hand started moving again on herself. Maybe it had something to do with where they were, the amount of time they had, what was—oh my god—going to happen when they left the lavatory.

Small moist sloshy rhythmic out-of-synch sounds filled the water closet, along with the noise of human breathing through mouths, through noses, slight vocalizations, a rustle of cloth, a light clank of a belt buckle against the floor, and oh, how the thoughts swirled, thoughts that were not meek and not pure in heart and by god this is how we shall see God and they were not righteous thoughts and they had thoughts and feelings that were banned outside the bedroom and even then were suppressed by the children of god, by most people; most if not all of the people they knew. People who would persecute such things, who would show no mercy, who did not know the peace that the mercilessness and hunger and thirst this man and this woman comforted each other with all the days of their lives, for better and for worse, through richer and poorer, of the sickness that gave them health, until death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance, love, honor, cherish, and fucking obey, I take thee my bride, I take thee my husband, with my body I thee worship, this is my solemn vow, I pledge, I vow, I swear, I vow, you’re god damn right you will, I vow.

After a few moments of the couple mutually abusing themselves for each other, she broke the silence with a whisper. “Will you cum in my mouth this time?”

He whispered back. “No. I’m going to cum on your face.”

###

SHE FOCUSED. He was going to do it, hell, he was doing it, he was making a whore of her in a way he hadn’t before, in a way that went beyond merely whispering the word to her in church which was nothing but annoying—not here, you fuck—or as they went to here or there, hither or thither, walking around in town with a conspiracy of intimacy which only got her to nervously laugh until they got home when she would rape him, or as he was performing oral sex on her or engaged in sexual intercourse with her, waiting to whisper the magic word to her in her ear as she came, or when she sucked his cock like would be expected of such a lady of the evening, over and over and over, god, I can’t get enough of that, neither can I, say it again, do it again, yes, yes, and even though she didn’t want whatever this was that was happening to happen here, no, please, not here, something in her overrode how terrible, loathsome and wrong it was that he did this to her at all, please, not like this, but god yes, and and and she liked it again, god bless you, my dearest husband, god bless you all to fucking pieces.

“Dear god.”

“And you aren’t going to wash up before you go back.”

“Y-you’re a bad man.”

“And you are a fucking slut.”

“Oh, god.”

Things were escalating; his hand was moving faster as was now hers; they drilled their stares into each other with determinations and commitments that were somehow the same and somehow different and their breathing somehow synched up. He pursed his lips and completed and she gasped. She watched him and he blurred and she watched him make the face that only meant one thing and she loved him.

He didn’t spray, it was more of a splootch or two that landed on her cheek below her eye, a drip splashed on her breast, and the rest went into her hair. Her breath caught and she asked, “May I cum, please?”

“No.”

“You bastard. Thank you, you fucking bastard. God damn it.”

“I didn’t say stop.”

“What? Oh, god.”

“Keep playing with yourself; you can suck the end of my cock now, if you want.”

She lunged at him, and it was his turn to gasp as she suckled him, eeking out the last drops. She nibbled him with her teeth, applying pressure, working on getting him to squeal. His cock in her mouth was a gift from God, for both of them.

He recovered from her attack with a whoop and a Lordie and managed to find a way to keep to his feet with a cock-milker attached to him, nursing on his sex, breathing erratically through her nose; he stood stoic, watching her work herself up some more. “Get closer, Claribel, because I will deny you. You will ask if you can cum again and I will say no, and you will stop.”

She moaned around his dick and ravaged him, drawing him in, getting his penis in her mouth to wiggle, flicking him around inside her mouth with her tongue, chewing on him with her molars getting him to flinch, massaging the base of him with her lips. She breathed deep through her nose, inhaling him, getting his hair into her nose where it tickled, she could live like this, with his cock in her mouth. She whined and she frantically moved her hand faster and faster, two fingers sliding up and down around her clitoris, driving through her labia; she was soaked, she closed her eyes, relishing the cock in her mouth even as it was getting smaller, she prayed he would go ahead and at least allow her to fulfill her oh-god-please duties as his outhouse, getting closer closer closer and god fucking damn it he did it yes do it he released he peed he pissed just a little in her mouth god that made her fucking wild with lust so fucking filthy and I’m sucking his fucking cock and he’s fucking pissing in my fucking mouth I am a fucking hole he shoves his cock into and pisses in and fucks god yes he fucks me god yes god yes and she threw herself back from him with a puff and a sputter and and a a wheeze, please, please, please let me cum.

“No. Take your slut hands off yourself right now, you cunt.”

She groaned and slouched but did as he said, whimpering, her breath shallow and quick; she palpitated. “God fucking damn you Wyatt; it’s been every god damn day now for two fucking weeks.” She tried once to put her hands back anyway and he restrained her and she wailed. She submitted. Now: now she cried; he executed her pleasure. The power they exchanged circled them like angels, like devils, devouring them and it was good, terrible, good, terrible, good, good, god damn good.

###

BEFORE TONIGHT, he had fingered her in bed until she asked and he said no and then she couldn’t sleep and he made her roll over and he put his hand on her breast and held her as she shuddered in frustration, night after night, keep your hands off yourself, that’s for me, it’s mine, give it to me, oh god, please, yes, here, feeling his erection poking into her back, against her ass, and she would wiggle against it and sob until she finally did fall asleep, god, it was torture.

It went on for a day, and then two, and then three, and then four before he would let her finish. Then he would start over and do it all again, and this was as good as hitting her. With this, she suffered, she actually full-on god damn suffered for him—your pleasure is mine, mine to giveth, mine to taketh away—and that, that he couldn’t get enough of.

Neither could she. As hard as it was, neither could she, and she descended or ascended or whatever it was that was happening to her and she submitted to whatever he wanted, thy will be done, and it was glorious when she came, when she finally came, it was the motherfucking kingdom and the power glorious.

The day before she woke him up by sucking his cock, hoping it would get him to relent. It didn’t but he pissed in her mouth right there in bed and she screamed with the frustration of not getting to cum—especially from that—and this morning he pinched her nipple until she woke up and he made her do it again. Fuck, what have I gotten in to, deliver me from evil.

Hell, that’s what. He dragged her through hell, face up, so she could see heaven from down here, and long for it. Thy kingdom cum.

###

“GO STAND in front of the mirror so you can see what you’re doing, and rub the sperm into, let’s see, not your good wanking hand side, the other one, the one my hand was on.”

She started to reach for her apparel with one hand with a frown, and to pull her bloomers out of her pussy with the other. “No, no. You can get dressed after you’ve fixed yourself back up.”

“Fuck you, Wyatt.”

“Hurry up. They are going to start to wonder about us.”

She hesitated for one last long baleful second, and stepped to the mirror and began to rub the semen into her face, putting herself back together—god, could I go out there like this, is he going to let me have at least some of my dignity—spreading it around, hating how it shone, doing what she could to get it out of her hair as best as she could, god, is what just happened in here as plain as day, fuck. Her breathing quivered; she was conflicted. She scooped the last bit as it started to drip off her breast.

“Oh, and force some up your nostril. The one on the other side from your war paint.”

“Oh, godshit.”

He inspected her as he was buckling his pants when she presented herself, nude, panting, heaving her breasts, ashamed of what he was making her do in front of their friends, please, can’t we just go home, no. Not that she would dream of stopping it at this point. It was all she could do to keep her hands at her sides. “Pull out your silkies and put them back on, and finish getting decent.”

Oh, yuck, they were drenched. Yum. Yuck. Yum. Oh, fuck me. Not now.

At the end of the back hall of the establishment they were eating at tonight he took her hand—the one she had painted herself with, and she breathed noisily through her nose, inhaling him as though the smell of semen was more important than oxygen—before they went back into the dining area, and she rubbed his stink into the back of his hand massaging the bones, with the tips of her fingers, with a shy smile and a lowering of her eyes. If she had to be covered with him, then by god, he had to, too.

###

“LOOK WHO I found!” they announced at the same time as they walked into the main room and they laughed and rejoined the soiree. She hiked the back of her petticoats up and bunched it above her butt at the last moment, sure no one could quite see her do it, they weren’t paying attention to her, they had seen her sit on a chair before—okay, maybe not like this, for sure, no, this was something she did at home for him, for her husband, it satisfied something to him that she didn’t even know where that proposal came from, like when she crawled to entertain him that was so silly, so funny, until she did it naked and that was different—so she wasn’t sitting on it: she wrinkled it a different way; she had her bare legs and her bare ass directly on the seat and just the thin line of the threads of her underthings between her legs keeping her pussy from making direct contact with the chair. Not quite like at home. Almost, but not quite. He sat tall and stiff, towering over her, looking down the front of her outfit, oh yes, what is under all that, oh, what I have just seen, and what I will see again tonight and oh, what I could do with such a god damn glorious sight, and he kept his smiles to himself.

The sperm dried and contracted and tightened against the skin on her face throughout the rest of the evening; it flaked and looked like a sunburn that was peeling over her blushing, over the hand prints. Keeping her face generally turned toward her husband made it appear like she was attentive to him, adoring him, coming on to him, submitting to him. He liked that; she struggled with it. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands; one smelled like her, the other smelled like him, and she fidgeted a lot. At one point she ran her fingers of one hand and then the other around the rim of his drink, absently flirting with a little hidden something extra they shared and she smiled a bashful dirty coy smile when he took a drink from it. After whiskeyed-coffee—our daily bread—and a fancy dessert he leaned over and calmly offered to let her cum, if she did it out here, and she could be as quiet and discreet as she wished.

“Fuck you.”

“That’s my girl. Now play with yourself under the table, get your little hand moving right along with it all on your little cunt. Oh, and that was an empty promise: I will deny you again. Go.” He turned back and made lame jokes with the other people at the table. They shoot lame jokesters, don’t they? Hey, she could hope.

He thrilled to the slight trembling she was leaning up against him with. She sat close to him; it presented the appearance they were in love—having the saloon be packed helped there—but the truth of it was what got his gears to turn. She was debased to be sitting here, covered but on display, tidy but sloppy, prissy but shameless, an absolute gutter whore for all who knew how to see, covered in cum, his cum, she was going to make herself orgasm here for him for his whim, for his own twisted desire to see her do that in public and she let him have control over that and she pressed into him to save her, and the paradox that he put her in this situation was part of what he got out of this, that she would do even this for him, my god, no greater love hath a woman than this. It didn’t always work. Sometimes her rebellions got out of hand and then he looked like nothing but an asshole when he wouldn’t back down, you are such a fucking monster, and nothing but a pansy-ass wimp when he would, what do you think, should we maybe press the doilies today, too, my dear? But on nights like tonight, when she would fight but cave, the power of it all overwhelmed him and her both, and he did everything he could to restrain himself, from letting it get too far and throwing her on the table and fucking the daylights out of her right here in front of god and everyone.

Which would be fun, to say the least. Someday. See what a god damn glorious slut I have?

She had her own battles to wage with herself and with him and with her waiting adoring tittering unaware public. She wanted to take off her Sunday best, let them see the other marks on her body, the ones they had both fought hard to have happen, let them see the bitch who fucks, who lets men, one particular man, do things to her she wasn’t supposed to, and she did things for him she desperately wanted to that he actually wasn’t all that interested in but allowed for it, god bless him—it showed how far she would go for him and that much he liked—as long as she cleaned up the mess, and saw to it she didn’t smell like a sewer all the damn time.

What the fuck was wrong with her to make her want that? Motherfucker.

Having her pleasure herself in front of their friends in public while trying to remain unseen as doing such a disgraceful thing while wearing slimy pantalettes with his semen on her face got his own breath to arch through cycles of nitrogen-and-noble-gas feast and famine, she was such a slut and he loved that, it made his hard-on return with a rage and a vengeance under the table, bringing its own warpath, nagging him to get her to go under the table to take care of it: another approach to his problems worth daydreaming about.

“Wanna fuck?” He whispered to her. She didn’t answer, not with words. She was busy ignoring him, talking to the person next to her without turning the humiliating side of her face away from the man she pledged her troth to, appearing to be coy and cute to those who bothered to look when all she really wanted to do was hide the side of her face that smelled like her husband, that was tight from the drying of sperm, that just had to look obvious by now, she wanted to go, she wanted to get out of here, to take her lord and master to the street and fuck him right there in the dirt in front of god and everyone and disobey him when he would deliver on his promise of denying her yet another orgasm.

Damn him. He had been playing with this and pissing her off and turning her on for months now, making longer and longer stretches he would deny her and when he would let her, when he would let her cum, the fucking world would fucking end a glorious fucking end and as much as she hated going through the process, the fucking end justified this fucking means, and he succeeded in pushing yet another one of her buttons when he reached under the table and pulled slightly on her thigh. Maybe he would wank her with her; help, as it were, ooh, I do declare, what a lovely gentleman-caller, tipping his hat, laying out his coat over a puddle, I picked these flowers for ya, why laws-a-mercy, thank you kind, sir, yes, this is my vagina, may I offer it to you. Having fingers from both of their hands inside her made the location of the axis of the whole fucking planet shift. She jostled her hips enough that she could start to slowly spread her legs, hitching the front of her gown up further, and leaned forward to the edge of the table.

She leaned her semen-stained face onto her hand on the table—looking bored to those who looked; shit, anything but…—and the heat poured off her skin, or was it the spunk, as she began her work and fuck him he pulled his hand back out, god damnit, I’ll show you, you bastard, her lover’s work was working on herself right out there, in public, in front of friends as she rubbed herself, she played with her slit, ohmigod, how scandalized would everyone be to know what a fucking slut and a fucking whore and a fucking bitch and a fucking cunt she had to be, she just had to be, to do such a thing here, now, at the behest of her fucking rat’s-ass-bastard husband who godamnit would not let her finish, not here, not now, and this was simply an exercise in frustration she could not walk away from because secretly she loved not having this kind of control, it was something else she could give up to him, too, please take it honey, you said I could cum and I will make myself believe that you will let me this time, because now, now it will be motherfucking mortifying for me to make the face that we all know what it means, to make the sounds that don’t have any description beyond “a woman in orgasm” and to do it all to give-us-this-day surprise you all, we’ll probably get thrown out, everyone will laugh at me, some of these people will never speak to us again and I don’t care I’ll do it for you if that’s what you want I don’t care I want to cum I want to cum I want to cum I want to—

“Stop,” came the whisper she couldn’t didn’t wouldn’t refused to had no capacity no desire no motivation no way in god’s green earth could she take the meaning of what that meant she doesn’t want to hear. God damn it, wife.

—cum I’m going to there is no power in the world that is going to stop me I’m disobeying you you monster for teasing me relentlessly for so—

“I said stop.”

—god damn fucking long oh shit oh shit oh shit—

###

HER FACE expanded, the noose tightened and she couldn’t breathe, her head-holding-hand shot down to the table, grabbing the first glass she could put her hand to, which ended up being her husband’s, the one she had polluted with her fingers that were full of him and full of her and she yanked it up to her lips half-no-mostly blind and sucked on it and oh my fucking god I’m drinking us and she took a drink that was big and desperate and overwhelming and—

“Claribel. Are you alr—”

—she started coughing and it was a fit that she couldn’t stop and she leaned over the table and her hand flew and she dropped the glass and she coughed and she came as she hacked and she came and water came up her nose and she came and her knots all exploded and she wet the oak of the chair right through her already-soaked modesty-cloth she came so hard she came she came she came. A tear fell. The table felt cool against the hot side of her face. She shed some white flecks onto the tablecloth. An eternity of rest transpired.

Wyatt patted the back of his wife as she brought the attention of the entire table to her and whatever blushing she was doing before paled in comparison and god damn it woman you insolent disobedient brazen—

“Are you alright?”

—and she coughed on and gasped on and on and wheezed on and on and on and she still couldn’t breathe and she fought to cover and recover and my god she was still cumming and then she was laughing and apologizing and bringing her one hand then the other the one that had fresh smells to her face and she inhaled the sex and she closed her eyes and she relished and came down in shivers and she made a face—not the unmistakable face, but a face that spoke of embarrassment, and apology, and I’m sorry don’t pay no mind to me, I’m okay, really—and the party reluctantly carried on look at her was she choking no she’s fine keeping an eye on her out of the corner of their eyes as she waved her hands and smiled and laughed.

He rubbed along her undergarments and leaned over to whisper what everyone assumed would be the right thing for him to whisper, about her being alright, and gosh, are they going to go, she really looks like that was hard on her, poor thing, it’s been a long night already, you know Claribel is so devoted to him, it took it all right on out of her, yeah, they’re outta here, I hope she’s alright, do we have to go too, I’ll be sure to call on her in the morning.

“Bad girl. No hands tonight; I’m gonna use my belt.”

She turned up to whisper to him, rubbing some of the dried sperm onto the side of his face as she passed and she kissed him; she put her arms around him. “Bring it on, you pansy-ass bitch.” When they finally got home, she howled long into the night, when they weren’t taking a break from that little expression of trust or whatever the hell it was between each other for some serious fucking, piss drinking, ass fucking, when are we going to get your whole asshole hand inside me, asshole, soon, baby, soon, and the face fucking, the hair pulling, the fucking, getting the other side of her face to match in redness, too much, gotta re-correct some more, god, the eternal profanity, and don’t you ever stop fucking, fucking, screaming, fucking, fucking...

###

THEY EXCUSED themselves for the evening and did not even make it to the wagon before other more pressing matters exerted themselves and she lost some underwear in the process. A small price to pay, she thought; it would take another month for the apocalypse to come about again, a month—after which it was two months until her annihilation came about again, and then three before decimation and then four before holocaust, and then winter set in and she went positively insane until spring came around again and he turned her loose in town for Armafuckinggedon, my god, there wasn’t anyone or anything she wouldn’t fuck by then—which for now presented her with a much more difficult set of chores, what with the edging, and the kneeling, and the cock-sucking-way-on-beyond-loving-gentle-caring-fellatio blowjobs, I love it when you gag, honey, it’s glorious, and the clit rubbing, and the stoppings, and the startings, and the endless dirty talk, and the starting, and the stopping, and the at-fucking-last fisting, god, and the spanking and the whipping and the wax and the needles, please, dear god, Wyatt, haven’t I suffered enough, no, Claribel, you fucking cunt, you fucking haven’t, you will touch yourself every day and you will stop just as you are about to cum, you bitch, then you will do it twice a day, and then three and then four, you worthless whore, yes sir, and the starting, and the stopping, you will cry every god damn day, oh my fucking god yes, and the rimming, and the night after night after night of the disgusting awful terrible why-aren’t-these-boring-me dirty stories from Genesis, Judges, and the Song of Solomon that they would read to each other and what did they mean along with what the Apostle said about men and women, wives, submit to your husbands, oh, okay, sure, if you put it that way, fuck me, it was the lack of hysterical paroxysm, the build up with no release, the damn relentless vulvar stimulation, god fucking damn it all to fucking hell, please, and putting everything she could please in her pussy and in please her asshole and in her please mouth, please, and the ferocious endless delicious devilish frustrating dear god when will this ever stop teasing, never you slut, never, fuck me for ever and ever, you bastard, god fucking damn you, fuck me, please, please, please…

 

Friday, February 15, 2013

Inauguration

By brewt.blacklist

January-February 2013

I’M SURE.

Thank you.

You’re not supposed to say that.

Who says?

It’s expected. You say what you want, I say it would be fine, master, and that’s the end of the conversation. And we set about…your business.

Master, huh. We’re not that far.

Girl can dream, can’t she?

And that’s the best dream you can come up with?

Yes, sir.

Oh, demotion.

Forgive me. Master.

I’m just giving you shit. None of that owner-sir-master-lord shit means anything to me anyway. You don’t have to call me anything.

It seems weird.

Names are powerful things. They give the person who pronounces them power.

I suppose that’s why I’ve always reverted to titles. It confirms my station. Do you want me to shut up?

Not at all. I want you to talk and blather and tell me everything you’re thinking and feeling.

It’s going to get pretty repetitive in a short bit.

I can deal with that. Are you scared?

Yes.

Why? You’ve done this before.

Yeah, and it was always hard and awful and you do understand this is going to hurt, right?

More than you think you know.

Bullshit. Wait, I’m sorry.

No, no. Swear all you like.

Really? That’s not normal, either.

I don’t care. Wouldn’t it make this any easier?

I don’t know. I’ve never had permission before.

Well, you have it now.

Thank you. I think.

There are those words. I am going to ask you one more time. All the way, right?

Yes.

Until at least one of the liquids I’m interested in comes out of you: blood, tears, urine. Spit and sweat don’t count.

Yes. Shit, I almost said ‘sir.’

See? Swearing comes easily.

Yes...I almost did it again.

Look, you don’t have to make a big deal about it either way. Say what you want, how you want, call me what you want.

Okay. It’s just not what I’m used to.

Are you ready?

You know that question hasn’t got the slightest bit of meaning here, don’t you?

Yes, but it does convey a courtesy that I am interested in.

I appreciate that. Go ahead.

Take off your clothes. Please.

You don’t have to say please.

Yes, I do. Nasty girl, taking your clothes off for a man who is going to do something terrible to you.

That, that I liked.

Fucking slut.

God, yes.

Fucking whore.

I not supposed to like it when you call me that, but I do.

Fucking cunt.

Oh, god.

Tell me what you’re feeling, you fucking bitch.

I haven’t been spanked by hand until I cried since I was a little girl.

Well, we’ll see how long I can do this.

You might break your hand.

Would that be an interesting exchange? A good trade?

I-I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s what’s supposed to happen to me. But spanking me with a cast would probably get what you want to happen faster.

It would leave quite the marks, wouldn’t it? Assuming I could stand it.

I cannot imagine being spanked until I bled. Or pissed.

I brought some other things to, uh, accelerate the process. Whip. Cane. Sjambok.

I don’t know how to thank you for that.

I would expect that before we get that far, you’ll probably be noisy. Perhaps very.

I would think.

So, if that happens, and someone comes knocking on the door—to see if you’re alright—I think you should be the one to tell them to go the fuck away.

Why?

Because if I do it, they’ll just go get a key.

I guess...okay.

Good girl.

I really hate it when guys say that to me. It’s not the right kind of demeaning; it’s not a compliment.

Is ‘bad girl’ better?

It’s more accurate. Ow.

You doing okay? Feeling alright?

That’s a stupid question, asshole. Oh, shit, I’m sorry.

Don’t be. We’re doing something difficult.

You know, it’s not likely I’m going to get turned on by what you’re doing.

I can dream, can’t I?

Someone else here has foolish dreams.

Right. So why would you do this?

You wanted it.

Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should allow for this. For not just me, for anyone.

It’s…complicated.

I want to know.

I not sure I can explain it. This is a side of you that I’m interested in.

It’s not exactly an acceptable side.

That’s part of why I’m interested.

It does something for you, too.

Yes. Something I hate about myself. I don’t want to say I deserve it, but I suppose it might appear like I feel that way. It’s not that simple.

I hear that a lot.

Oh, you do, do you.

I get to talk to a lot of people. Your kind of people.

‘My kind;’ fuck. So, how many of my kind do this for you?

None.

Not even, you know, her?

No. Especially not her.

Something we have in common.

Oh?

He won’t do this for me, to me, either.

That’s how we got here, isn’t it.

###

FUCK, THAT hurts! God! I wish I could scream!

So go ahead.

Thank you!

###

I SAID go the fuck away! Leave us the hell alone!

You’re going to have to get the door. Yes, like that. This is the third time; it’s the only way they’ll leave us alone.

Jesus god damn fucking Christ. Fine.

Give them an eyeful, at least.

Yeah, fuck you.

Aren’t you glad you can swear now?

“God damn it! There! See? I’m fine, get a good long look, now stay out here in the hall, and put your hands on your own cock, you motherfucking loser, jerk off to whatever you’re hearing us do, and see to it no one else bothers us again, do you fucking understand?”

Jesus fucking Christ!

Remind me to never piss you off.

Shut the fuck up and hit me.

Yes, ma’am.

Bastard.

Bitch.

###

JESUS! AREN’T we there yet?

Nope. Wanna quit?

Motherfucker! Please don’t ask me that! Just get it over with! Use something harder!

Good girl.

Fuck you!

###

JESUS GOD damn mother fucking Christ that god damn fucking hurts please stop aren’t you fucking satisfied you fucking pig god fuck I hate this I hate you I hate me I deserve this don’t you fucking dare stop or I’ll never see you again take it all from me you bastard make it hurt make it hurt make it hurt like it has to god this is hell please oh shit have mercy no don’t please I’m sorry I’m sorry stop stop stop oh god why won’t you fucking stop if this would happen to you you’d know I’m not kidding ow please please please please please I’m begging you oh god damn it no no no more please I’ll do anything for you I’ll suck your cock fuck I’ll lick your ass fuck I’ll do it in public fuck please stop I’ll give you money fuck you can have anything fuck everything take it all from me fuck you fuck me you win I am nothing shit shit shit fuck fuck…fuck…fuck…

###

THAT’S IT. We’re done. Success.

Fuck me.

I will.

Yes! Fucking you.

Fucking you. Fuck me.

Oh, God. Aren’t you going to fuck me in the ass, you fucking fag?

Didn’t think you could stand it, you fucking dyke.

I want you to. We’re not done. Make it hurt.

You’re going to suck my cock afterwards.

God fucking yes.

And lick my ass. You asked. You said. You begged.

No. Yes. You made me. Yes. God. No. Yes.

###

OH, MY god, are you alright?

Yeah, I’m fine.

Why are you crying?

Didn’t you know? This is the secret of my kind.

‘Your kind.’ You’re so full of shit.

No, I mean it. It hurts me, us, as much as it does you. It’s just on a different time scale. Every stripe onto you rips a nail that has been driven into me about how I can’t do this right on out of me with the claw side of the hammer.

Jesus Christ, I’m sorry.

No. This is normal. Usually I hide it; I wanted you to see, to know.

It’s not allowed, is it?

No. No…can you hold me?

This is backwards. You’re supposed to comfort me. Fuck, I don’t know what to say. Thank you. I never knew I needed to see that until now.

I don’t know how you don’t know this. You’re the strong one here. Thank you.

I don’t want to know that. I don’t want to be the strong one; I am so fucking weak.

Are you alright?

We’re going to do this again, aren’t we?

Maybe not today, but yes.

Do you think they’ll care if the sheets are stained with blood?

I don’t fucking care. I’m sure they’ve seen it before.

I could love you, you know.

And I could love you. That’s kinda the point, isn’t it?

Maybe.

###

ARE YOU about ready to go?

Yes. Gotta run. I’ll talk to you later. Master.

Fucking slave slut.

That’s…I…that’s endearing you to me.

You think I don’t know that? Go on. I’ll talk to you later.

Yes, sir.

Bitch.

Monster.

Whore.

Meanie.

Cunt.

<laughter>

 

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

On guns.

Oh, dear, god, yes, thank you, bless you, you are the miracle, I owe you my life all the time, I will do what you want when you want now and forever always, I will willingly give you my body, my time, my money, my home, I am your slave, I will offer you my family, my entire life is yours, it is in your hand, and every second you don't pull the trigger is another precious moment I owe you, thank you, thank you, thank you for sparing my life, please, I will do anything for you, anything at all.

This is what the gun offers to the person who holds the gun. Anyone and everyone in their sight owes this litany to the gun holder, all the time, whether it is listened to or asked for or not, and there are those who say they are immune to it, and that may very well be true at the point in time any of the rest of us think to ask, and we can laugh and have a beer and laugh at those who think the gun holder is a threat to those they love and care about. No, not them. Not the type. And we laugh. Perhaps uneasily, but we laugh; not a lot of choice there: they have a gun.

But the litany of the gun is incessant; the gun's very existence, it's only real purpose, is to force the litany from the person looking up from their knees into the barrel. The whole kill and injure things it can do take a back seat to what it is most often used for: to threaten. It isn't about safety or protection or having a tool. It is a device primarily designed to hand the wielder the ability and the power to be a threat. To be the threat. When the gun fires, it ceases to be a threat, it becomes something that kills or maims; it wreaks loss onto someone who couldn't offer enough. Even if they're shooting at the gun holder. But that's a different situation from what is happening more and more in America these days. No, guns are being fired upon people who are unarmed, who are no real threat to the person with the gun. Something unspeakable has happened to get them to kill for reasons we think we can not possibly understand.

I think, in at least some of the cases, we can. Because all of us have bad things happen to us, and mercifully, for the most part, they aren't bad enough to drive us to kill. That doesn't mean we are immune from that kind of bad; we've just been lucky. And when things start to fall apart for the gun holder's life, whether it be a job problem, or a relationship problem, an argument with someone, something we never find out about, the song gets louder. It never stops. It can't. When enough things fall away, when things get to be so bad that the people end up killing lose their reasons for going on, for living, for caring, the song bellows. The acts of people who are surprise murderers are a surprise to them, too. Murderers who survive murder-suicides tell this often. They couldn't see it coming and when it got there, they couldn't stop it. Law enforcement, the people who have to deal with the aftermath of what guns can do altogether too often all assure us: every last one of us are entirely capable of killing, under the right (or rather, incredibly wrong) circumstances.

This temptation, this call to power, is very strong. My faith in the idea that people will always be able to resist this siren call has left this year. Too many people are dying by a gun; it is such an easy way to kill.

It is too easy. Killing should be hard. Without a gun, for the majority of people, it is. Oh, sure, we can argue that anything can be a weapon and that won't stop someone who is really determined, and no, the unavailability of ease won't stop someone who is hellbent for leather to kill. But if it is more trouble than it is worth, if it takes too long, the opportunity for the madness that we in our modern society don't seem to be able to spot ahead of time begins to increasingly pass as time slips by. Guns account for more murder weapons used than all other weapons combined in America. No justification logic about the number of guns that aren't used for murder countermands this. They make it too easy. Period. There are too many owned by people who shouldn't have them, who have no real reason to own one beyond their pride, their desire for power over others.

The Bushmen, the most primitive society on earth, who use a fairly deadly poison on their hunting arrows, go very far out of their way to take the weapons out of the hands of anyone who is having any kind of altercation for any reason over anything. Remarkably, it is the women who take the weapons from the men. The poison is slow acting, and almost always fatal, and is excruciating to suffer through. The Bushmen community is small, close-knit, and everyone is considered important, and even though fights and disputes happen, no one is worth risking losing and there is no question or argument about the removal from the scene the almost-always-fatal weapons. The Bushmen are actually happier than most of the rest of us, despite what we would call astonishing poverty. They have to hunt to eat and dig in the ground to drink. But still, they laugh a lot; they like each other, and manage to get along better than most of do in our more "advanced" cultures.

This is not happening in America. We're too busy, too rushed, have too many of our own problems to be concerned with anyone else. There are so many of us, too many for us to expend our energies toward, and eventually, people come to be considered expendable, not worth our time, we can do without people who don't agree with us, they are exhausting, don't bother us, that's too hard, and if it that means some have to go so far to stay out of our way as to have have to die, that's okay, we can find a way to distract ourselves from that idea and we do. We're all going to die anyway. No reason to really care about people we don't care about.

We've lost something in there.

In America, the stance of gun ownership has become more like a cult, a religion, and the phrase "I'll give you my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands" is a mantra that is a misquote of Charlton Heston when he was the head of the NRA, a group that doesn't even qualify as a non-profit organization, a group that primarily concerns itself with extending weapons sales for weapons manufacturers. Their most recent response to a national atrocity came down to "more guns"; even they acknowledged that. It was a sales pitch.

That line about hands is filled with arrogance and pride and has become core to current extreme gun advocates. The understanding of that phrase is actually a reversal from what it actually says: people who shout it seem to understand it more along the lines of anyone who attempts to take the gun will be killed for trying it. Which means that the gun owner is unwilling to relinquish the power the gun offers them under any circumstances. They aren't willing to die for their gun, they're willing to kill for it. If power corrupts, this is the absolute corruption of absolute power. It is a life and death matter, not one of safety or security or rights or preserving any notion from a couple centuries ago about the idea that the government could not afford a standing army and they were going to count on the citizenry to preserve the nation. The power the gun offers has become more important to the gun holder than anyone he or she loves; god save those fools for attempting to take this kind of power from the gun holder. Good thing ignorant fools are expendable and replaceable, no matter who they are: crazy-ass liberals, strangers, friends, family, if necessary.

Gun owners have reiterated to me, over and over, every time they chant the line, that they are willing to kill to keep the power. Then they try to laugh and say let's have a beer, come on, don't be an asshole, there's no way I'll ever kill anyone, ha ha, I'm not a threat, I'm not in the demographic of killers, you should be thankful people like me are keeping you and your rights protected, god you are so stupid for not seeing it my way because I am not giving up my gun, not for anything, and don't bring it up again, it's god damn unpatriotic. Especially not for you, no matter what, no matter what kind of threat you feel from it, asshole. Go away.

So, if the guns are so important, so safe, so sane, I would wonder why it is that gun owners don't open carry into their jobs, on review days, when they know they are going to get a bad review. How many bosses would feel safe reprimanding an employee who has a gun on their hip? The very presence of the gun would demand the litany from the boss. Seems just wearing a gun would get one promoted with good raises all the time, and won't we all get along better? Does carrying the gun into church make the other worshippers safer? How about to restaurants? Movie theaters? If the gun is nothing more than a tool, and a symbol of freedom and democracy and the American way/dream/whatever, then everyone who doesn't have a gun should feel perfectly safe with the responsible gun owner, the private citizen, who is only showing off their power to all because they have it under perfect complete benevolent control all the time, right?

When I see a private citizen open carrying, I not feel any sense of safe. The person with the gun is, regardless of their real disposition, making it clear that they are going to get their way no matter what, and they always appear to be incredibly pissed off, even if they are smiling and laughing. The gun is an angry thing. The concealed weapon carriers are no better or different, they are just harder to spot. They still always appear to be deeply suspicious of all the unarmed people around them, and not seeing the weapon does not make me feel any safer.

Gun owners can, at times, be extraordinarily arrogant and hypocritical: this power cannot tempt me, I am above it. Only bad people are the problem. Only people who are foolishly terrified that I would ever under any circumstances ever misuse the power ever, I mean, my god, you are all such fools who even think about wanting to take this glorious secret power away from me, you, all of you are the problem. I couldn't possibly be the problem. I am so strong, so above you all, you need never worry about me. I'm not the type. Now change the subject.

Every murderer has, at some time or another, with, I believe, very, very few exceptions, has uttered this assurance to themselves, to assure themselves and those around them that they are, don't worry, immune to the litany of the gun. And they can't see when they are mirroring the litany: you owe me everything because I have spared your miserable life again, today even, and whatever you do, don't piss me off. I have a gun. Too late.

Weapons do not make peace. Trust makes peace. And trust isn't earned, it's given. Guns are an attempt to take trust, by force, no matter what. And all they offer is the opportunity for the target to give absolutely everything to the wielder and that will eventually not be enough, and the peace the gun holder feels, the joy of getting everything from someone is false, a lie. As soon as the gun gets put down, everything that was gained with it will fall away. Then what? Pick it back up, idiot.

The primitives have it right. There is a time and a place to have a weapon, and there is a time to have it taken away. The problems with the killings has not been with the gun, nor have they been that an individual had a problem they couldn't get through. The problem is that when the crisis arose, they were alone with a banshee that screamed a solution that would re-empower them, save them, and by god they would not give it up because that was all they had left.

Guns are dangerous. Those who own them are not safer with them, they are putting themselves at risk with them, the risk that they would at some point not be able to resist what they offer. And while that sounds extreme, far reaching, and an outrageous exaggeration, no, you don't get it, you don't understand, asshole, god, you are so stupid, it's not that simple, there have been altogether too many instances of those who could not do so to write this idea off as ridiculous. The solutions of throw those hopeless people away cannot work; sooner or later, our strength fails us all. Because that is the core to all the spectacular uses we've been suffering through. It is a failure of philosophy, of resolve, of our ability to resist a temptation we have thrown ourselves in front of.

Murderers and criminals do not take lives because they are happy. Only the incredibly psychopathic and sociopathically insane do that. Looking for the signs of those sick people in those around us will not often enough thwart what has been happening. The madness that has been overwhelming us is not in there. We're looking for the wrong problems.

The problem is that we are alone at the wrong times. Alone with monsters. Monsters that make outrageous promises, that won't shut up.

Have your guns. Use them for good. There is no question, shooting a weapon is fun. But when the time comes you have to have them taken away from you, give them to the person who loves you. If you don't have such a person, if you do not have such people, you should not have a weapon that demands you demand the litany from everyone you know. You're not safe. If you proudly proclaim Mr. Heston's propogandized slogan, you are already under the spell. If you can't hand your gun to someone who loves you, someone who's afraid of what you might, at an impossible moment, do with it, then you are at risk of killing them. And if you can't see that, they are as good as dead already.

There's some laughter that has to happen, laughter without any kind of threat anywhere near it. There isn't any kind of one-button solution. We need to be involved enough with each other to see something might happen, and we need to trust each other enough to give up our defenses, our offensive systems. Because that is the choice: we either have to love and care for and trust each other enough to lower our barriers and believe we will be alright, or we have to kill each other. There is no other choice; guns afford us no other option, and they have such an easy one they want to tell us about.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Discountenance

By Brewt.Blacklist

September 2012

THE SUBMISSIVES I have encountered have all been quite delicate creatures, easy to frighten, easy to offend. Mouthy as hell.

When they are not on their knees, of course.

Indeed. It’s as though they save all their strength for then.

Probably a defensive mechanism. I suspect the verbal attacks are that, too.

Possibly. Take this one, for example.

My Lord, I...

Shut up. Don’t interrupt me. God damn it, what was I saying? Oh, yes. When this one isn’t here with me, she, as you well know, is a bubbly energetic little feminazi, hating all things male, always making sure all the little boys around her are kowtowing to her every whim. Which, interestingly enough, she completely recants when she’s here with me.

Really?

Yes, she repents of all her little put-downs and control-grabs and paper efforts at being a dominant and in control of her life that she doesn’t let anyone ever get out from under. Like with you.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Here, she’s a gutter hole, and allows herself to be used and abused until someone else is happy: me. It is quite amazing, her little hocus pocus act of a quick change in and out of something her mother would be proud of. She goes from princess to slave when she walks through that door.

So she segregates her life. She lives in boxes.

A box for when she wants to feel good about herself, a box for when she doesn’t feel good about herself, a traveling box, an in-front-of-her-mother box, a working box, a shopping box, a god-I’m-bored-entertain-me box, an admire-me-look-don’t-touch box, a leave-me-the-fuck-alone box—which she keeps you in, by the way, and a box that she hides from everyone that she is deeply ashamed of and cannot keep out of no matter how hard she tries. She hides it from everyone except me. Here. And now, of course, you.

Why me?

Believe you me, this wasn’t her idea. You were pretty much the last person on earth she wanted to have this part of herself exposed to. She said so. Which is why I picked you.

I’m not sure that makes me feel any better.

And that doesn’t matter in the least little bit to anyone except her. At this point, if we were to ask her, she would rather you had never even been born. And your foolish admission that you are even slightly uncomfortable here gives her a glee you can’t see.

So she really does hate me. I’d suspected, but I never gave credence to that thought before. Tried not to think about it.

Before tonight, she actually didn’t care about you one way or the other. You were just a fly to her, a speck, an annoying gnat. You were kind of a name in a hat. Now her interest in you is through the damn roof: now she’d just as soon see you die a grisly and horrifying death than have you be here with me. In flames. Wouldn’t you, my dear?



Why isn’t she answering? I thought you said she was submissive.

Because if she answers with the truth of her feelings and insults you, she knows she’ll be punished quite severely, and if she lies and tells you how wrong I am and how much she cares about you—please don’t do this to you for your sake, ha, ha—she’ll be punished most severely for untruthfulness. And if she doesn’t say anything, she’ll be punished exceedingly severely for not answering my question. A lovely quandary, don’t you think?

So it doesn’t matter what she does, she’ll be punished.

Yes, she will be. Interesting how she picked the one she thought she could save face with, don’t you think?

###

I HAVE never done this before.

Obviously.

Do you have a suggestion?

First of all, you don’t need to tie her up.

Why not?

She’s not going anywhere. And it will be harder for her; it’s amusing to have to force herself to stay there and submit to you without the added benefit of being forced from the outside.

So what keeps her here?

You’ll have to ask her that, but she won’t have an answer. She doesn’t understand it herself. It’s nothing rational. She can stand up and walk away at any time. She. Just. Doesn’t.

So what, she’ll just endure it all right there?

Absolutely. Watch. Uhhh! Uhhh! Uhhh! Uhhh! Hhhh.

Quite the act.

Not an act. You do it. Convince yourself.

I don’t know that I can; it goes against everything I’ve ever been taught.

So? It goes against everything she’s ever been taught as well. Not to mention her feelings. And the endless prattle about respect for women she carries on with day in, day out, about how men are supposed to be nice to women, to care for them, put them on pedestals? Puh-lease. Ooohh, and now our poor little baby girl hurts; see? Tears. Here. Take this, and do it.

###

HARDER.

Uh.

Harder, you fool.

Uuhh.

You’re not even going to get her attention that way. I suppose just using your hand isn’t going to be any better. Hang on. Let me look around…here. Use these.

I would hate those.

Not as much as she does. Come on; man up. Do something to her you wouldn’t allow to happen to you. Something horrible. It’s what you’re here for.

I don’t think this is what I had in mind.

It’ll be alright. Tell him.



I said tell him.

Y-you can u-u-u-use those. On me.

Be more adamant, bitch. Beg. Persuade him.

Pl-please. Put themmm in in in me.

More. Put your heart into it. For your friend.

I want you to do it. Please. I beg you.

Con. Vince. Him. Whore.

I’ll I’ll help. And I’ll…I’ll suck your cock.

You haven’t had the time of day for me for months. And now you’ll suck my cock to get me to hurt you with…these.

Yes.

Before, or after?



Uuhhh! Sometimes, I do not know why I put up with this little moron. She doesn’t seem to want to learn. Uuhhh!!

Maybe this is fun for her.

Uuhhh!!! Answer him: before, Uuhhh!! or after? Uuhhh!!!

Arrgh. Hhh. Both. Hhhh.

Why?

I don’t know how to answer that. Sir.

Are you going to take that?

I don’t believe you. Prove it.

Ow. Mmmm. Ow. I’ll just would you like how about if I…this? Please, sit down, I’ll show you. That’s it. Yes. Let me touch you here, yes, oh, oh, there it is, there you are, mmm, mmmmnngkygnk mmmm mmm

She’s sucking your cock. Think about it; how long have you fantasized about that? Dreamed about it? Whacked off to the idea of her putting your cock in her mouth willingly?

A lot.

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk.

Really? Because it doesn’t seem to be doing it for you.

‘Cause you’re here.

I don’t think so. It’s because you wanted something else from her; a blowjob just isn’t enough, is it.

Mngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk.

Yes. No. Shit, yes. Something else.

Mngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk.

…hhh…

Mngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk ngyk.

This is boring. Let’s get at it. Put this in her. While she’s doing that.

Hhhh. Fine. Where, here?

MmmmhmhMHM! MMMHNGNGHK!

Murmph. I suppose I’m taking a chance here that she’s going to fucking bite me, huh.

Nonsense. If she bites you, we’ll do something truly terrible to her. She knows that. Again.

MmHmMM! MMhhmmMM! MngkygknmMMM!

Fuck, this is starting to work for me.

Doubtless. Having a woman rape her own mouth with your cock while you are hurting her, while you are sticking her with something like THISSS!!! is one of the best things in the world. I live for that shit.

MMMANNhhhhh hhhh hhhh hhhh.

Close your lips around his cock. Suck him down. Make yourself uncomfortable. Now stick her. Ssslllooowwwlllyyy.

MGYNKNGYK! MGNGKNGNMGNHhhhHHH!

Jesus Christ! I have never felt anything like that before!

You know where it’s even better to have your dick? In her ass. While you’re pulling on her hair with one hand and choking her with the other, and someone else is whipping the ever loving shit out of her tits, her stomach, her pussy, and oh, let me tell about what the cane can do to her. Cigarettes. Wax. Electricity. Alligator clips being ripped off her like a zipper. You will never feel anything else like that in your entire life. There’s no point in hurting her if you’re not inside her. And that is why you are here. You, you fucking lucky-ass bastard. Give me those. I’m going to stick them all in her ass…

MMMUUWWAHHH AARRH! ARRGGHGH! HHH! ARRGHGHG!!

That’s what I want. Stick her slower. Oh, god. I’m gonna want her fucking ass, come here, deeper, you slut, take it all down, make as much noise as you can, fuck you, you cunt, do it, I’m gonna cum down your throat and when I’m done I’m gonna slap your pretty little dolled-up face until I can’t lift my hand and you’re going to have to explain the bruises as an accident to all your friends and I’m going to hang you by your hair yes yes YES YES YES….

###

NO.

What do you mean, ‘no’?

Exactly what it sounds like. It is not gonna happen.

So what, you think it’s all going to go back to the way it was?

Yes.

That’s not what I want.

I don’t care. You don’t get it, do you. I didn’t do that for you; I did it for Him. And now that it’s over, it’s never going to happen again. Ever.

Uh huh.

Besides, who’s going to believe you? Now fuck off, you shit-eating bastard. Leave me the hell alone. Don’t you even try to talk to me again.



…Good talk…Shit. You forgot your coffee.

###

HEY. YEAH, you were completely correct. Practically verbatim. Uh huh. Abso-fucking-lutely. Wouldn’t. Miss. It.

###

YOU REMEMBER your friend, don’t you?

Shit.

What was that?

Yes. Yes, of course, I remember him.

There is a long string of profanity running through her head right now. Watch her face; you can see it all. See how the breathing stress has kicked in? She’s adjusting herself. Lowering herself. Fighting whatever the fuck it is she believes she comes here to conquer.

She is really struggling with all this right now, isn’t she? Has she ever run away?

Wouldn’t you?

Of course I would.

Not her. Of course, I thought she was going to call you a motherfucker.

Well, you know, I’ve thought a lot about what she said, and I think that would actually be a good idea. Except it should be a shit-eating bitch. Do you still have any of those needles?

Of course. Whole box of them.

That is just great. May I?

Be my guest.

Thank you. Now then. Which finger do you use to masturbate with, honey? It’s cute how her hand is shaking, isn’t it? Oh, you use two of them, do you? You slide them on either side of your clit, right? Show me. Er, us.



Uhhh! Do it, cunt. God damn it. Obey him as you would obey me. Christ.

Oh, yeah. That’s it. I want you to be wet for this. Mmm Hmm. More. That is just lovely. Does she always sluice up like this?

She’s a fucking whore.

Yeah, she sure as fuck is. Hey, did you want to fuck her in the ass while we do this to her?

You need to ask? Atta boy.

Uhhhgh ughr ahh ahh ahha hh.

Okay, give me your hand, baby. Just going to slide this…right…under...the…nail. Does that hurt? Answer me.

Fuck, yes.

How ‘bout that. Next one. Mmm hmm.

Ooojjjhhhh…

Damn, she’s twitching right around my cock! Yer doin’ gooood.

Given what you’ve said, I’m not surprised. Alright. So. Two in the good hand, now let’s put a few in where it matters on her. Uhhh; nipple. Uhhh, other nipple.

Hhhh. Hhh. Hhhh. Hhhh.

Is this hard yet, darlin’? Heh, heh, good. We’ll put a few here where it’s so wonderfully wet. Right…along…there. Yeah.

Oh, godddd.

Gotta match.

Pl-please. Aarrgh!

Can you guess where the next one goes, sweetie?

Please, please pleasepppelease no no no no no...!!

Yyyeeesssss.

Aarrrggh! AAARRRRGGH! Hhh. Hhh. Please take them out!

Not a fucking chance. Now play with yourself. Make yourself cum

Iiiittt hhhurrtsssss.

Yes, I’m sure it does. Now do it.

I have to say, I am impressed. I didn’t know you had it in you.

I-I don’t knnnooww that I c-c-can cum llllike this.

Then this is going to go on for a while.

Uhh. There. There. I came. Please let me stop.

You lying sack of slut. Did she?

Nope.

That’s why he’s in your ass.

Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

That is what we’re doing; we are going to fuck the bejesus out of you. Now get yourself off.

Oh god. Ow. Ow. Ow. Owwww.

###

SHE REALLY loves this, doesn’t she?

You bet your ass she does. There is a puddle down here.

Good, ‘cause it’s about to get worse for her. I need more needles.

Pleasenopleasenopleasenopleasenononono…

You talk too much. We’re gonna fix that. Hold your god damn head still.

No! No! No! No! Not there!

Could I trouble you to bend over here a bit, maybe hold her head a bit stiller than she seems to be able to do? Yeah, by the hair is good. Okay, so, good, her head between my thighs, now I’ll just pull her upper lip up…

Nnnryrhiuhghgyn!

Right. In. Along. The. Lip. Three more.

ARRRHGHGH!

Two to go.

NRYHAAAAA! HAAA!H-HAHAH!

One last one, then my fun begins.

NRNYAHNRNGHAHNRHGHAyennFFLUCCHH YOOOUUU!

I love how evil you’ve turned out to be, but you know, at this point, she probably will bite you.

Naw, I’m not putting my cock in her mouth. She’s gonna lick my asshole; I feel a shit coming on.

Ahh Ahh Ahh AhhMMGPGHMGPHM.

Here, sit up, maybe put a little weight on her tits, rub them around some. Yeah. Now get your tongue out of your mouth and into my ass. We’re gonna be here until you cum, darling. So. Get. To. It…Wait a minute. What the fuck are you doing?

You didn’t think this was just going to be hard for her tonight, did you? Don’t you fucking move; you do not get to stand up and walk away from this any more than she can. You have the same trick to perform. Here. Get the needles into your own cock, nine of them, just like are in her, two into your own jack-off hand, and we’ll do this until YOU cum, or I’ll tell her cut your dick right off and eat it…she’d love that, you know…

###

…AARGHGH! HHH! HHH! HHH!! HHH!!!...

###

 

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Mrs. Poe

By Brewt.Blacklist

November 2011

A tribute piece, probably better understood if the works I am referring to are read first: Parker's Mr. Poe, and pamela's Mastering Mandy

###

THE WORST is to have to clean up after him. The chaos he leaves takes much more to resolve than to make; I don’t think he appreciates that. I actually just happened on to one of his efforts, some poor little thing he’d seen to getting herself raped and impregnated. I recognized the work—very clean, no lines, sheer artistry, it was almost like he was showing off to someone—extraordinary that he’d left her asexual in the end; it was so deep I couldn’t get rid of all of it. I didn’t want to do anything about Cindy’s pregnancy, but I did leave her at least able to masturbate with a reminder to keep her hands out of her child’s pants, and tried to stave off the inevitable. But it did tell me he’d been through here recently, and given past patterns, I knew which direction to go from here.

Once in the city, it was everywhere. My God, what had he done this time. There were lines all over the place—thirteen, fourteen, I quit counting—all leading to a Mr. Ellis’ hotel room. Hmmm. He hadn’t taken this tact for quite some time; it always ended catastrophically: the glasswork eventually all broke down until mass suicide was the only course left for the poor souls infected. I felt bad for Mr. Ellis; I could short-circuit most of the worst, but some things I will simply not be able to correct.

No one answered the door, so I let myself in. I found a young lady there, masturbating furiously, completely fixated on keeping her man’s cock in her mouth, otherwise starving. Mr. Ellis was comatose and twitching on the bed, so that much would be easier.

The lines into the girl seemed to be hinged on the lines he had running out of the building, and they were so knotted up, I wasn’t going to be able to unhook any of them without seriously hurting everyone involved, certainly not without any of the other ends; they were even starting to interconnect and produce feedback loops. I started with one, didn’t matter which one at this point, and followed it out across town to find another girl on the other end.

Roxanne was attached through the ass, in more than one way. The psychic mind-control line from Mr. Ellis, and the cock she was engaged with. I did allow her the dignity of finishing, as if getting fucked in the ass has any dignity to it. This was going to be hard enough as it was without interrupting something with a man she understandably had gone to great lengths to get into her; he was not a young man, and the effort she had exerted so far might have been enough to kill him outright. The shock of getting caught doing this little something he obviously shouldn’t be doing—what would his wife think—would for sure put him right down for a dirt nap. Once he finished with a decrepit shout, she gave the impression to feel obligated to lick him clean, and as is so often the case, he let her. Something I had never had the stomach for, but it was also a part of a bit of what I was doing here; there was a connection in there someplace I was having trouble making. Once he was on his way, I stepped in and noticed how incredibly peaceful she was, and had a strong hesitation hit that almost kept me from interfering at all; I could just be making things worse. But I knew that to find my errant mate, I was going to have to unravel a few things, at least until I could get enough of Mr. Ellis put back together enough to risk my looking in there.

“Please, come with me.” She looked up and didn’t question things a bit. I had to stop her to remind her to get dressed. Something else that got my attention from Poe’s usual modus: he was always very specific on what to suggest to his victims, and a blanket layer of submission just wasn’t his style. On the bus as we crossed town she asked “Do I know you?” and I got to shake my head with the truth. For once. She pulsed next to me, and I could feel her assessing her situation, trying to decide if there was anyone there with us she would like to extend an invitation to. I held her hand, and it was enough to keep her down, but I knew that I would have to hurry, for that wouldn’t be enough for long.

When we got to Mr. Ellis’ accommodations, his young ladyfriend, Melinda, was still at her chores: sucking cock—that showed every sign of spurting on its own power without her—and doing everything she could to bring herself off. Her sex was badly bruised for all the hitting she was doing to it.

Roxanne’s eyes got wide as she saw her next redemption at hand, taking her clothes off as she crossed the room to match Melinda.

“Stop that.” I knew that wasn’t going to work, but said it anyway.

“No fucking way, bitch.” She straddled him, and I was as powerless to do anything to interfere as the girls were.

“Hey, get off him; he’s mine.” A skirmish was stirring around the room, and it could have gotten real bad, real fast, and it was Roxanne that proved worthy enough to try to defuse it; she, in my book, was worth redemption for that alone.

“Do you like ass-licking, chiclet?”

“No. Just cocks. Just his.”

“How ‘bout balls?”

“That’d be okay. His.”

“Can we share? I’ll make it up to you.”

“How?”

“I like asses. I’ll lick yours when I’m done here.”

Melinda considered for a moment, then realized what I already knew, that she hadn’t had an orgasm in a long time, and if there was a chance for even a moment of relief, she would take it.

“Deal.” Another soul of consequence to give another chance to, even if she doesn’t know why, even if it looks to the outside like she’s just being selfish; there is value to cooperation. Sometimes, these little glassworks failures get way out of hand, and anyone who can find a way through them without throwing someone else out the window merits the trouble, as far as I was concerned.

The girls set out to get Ellis’ erect cock into Roxanne’s ass, and his balls into Melinda’s mouth, and they were happy. Even I couldn’t find anything to put against their feelings which were indeed sincere and not manufactured or manipulated. Humans are so weird.

I let the girls carry on and finish before I started in on my part, sorting out and untangling the lines from Roxanne to Ellis, from Roxanne to Melinda that she just forged, getting the girls calmed down and relaxing just a little enough that I could work. It was mayhem in there, and when I finally got enough of it laid out before me so I could start unhooking, Ellis fucked everything up and came again, just lying there, out of the blue; one of the other lines from the outside had fired. Melinda got distracted and all the glasswork I was working with caved back to original, and she started over. Hands back between her legs with a vengeance, sucking cock, which set Roxanne back to square one, screaming for someone, anyone, to please put something in her ass, something big. Damn me, I couldn’t see another way out of it. I gave in; I helped.

It took a while, but eventually, I got Roxanne unhooked. I was never going to be able to get her anal fixation corrected; the glasswork done there was incredibly crude, but deeper than I could do anything about without destroying even larger parts of herself—she didn’t deserve to become a vegetable—and I finally just had to give up, consigning her to a full future of anal sex that most men dream about.

After I turned her loose, I hunted down the other ass sluts, the fellatrices, the dog fucker, and the dean with the bladder control problem. I was tempted to leave that one, because it was indeed funny, but Melinda was going to have a rough enough time without that little connection, so I unhooked her, too. The incontinent dean pissing setting off the feedback on the line to Ellis to make him piss into Melinda’s mouth that was almost permanently attached to his cock was something I didn’t want her to have to live with. He was going to piss into her mouth more than was necessary even without the added bonus of force from the outside, and leaving it worse for her wasn’t on my to-do list.

I decided to let the strippers and the exhibitionists go, they weren’t going to hurt Melinda and they weren’t going to interfere with what I needed anyway; the hard ones to deal with were the pregnancy-fetish cheerleaders, because there were so many of them, and the lesbian masochists into tit torture because, well, those are just plain always difficult. It took almost a month to clear enough clutter away that I could begin to start wading through what Ellis was left with, and frankly, I was horrified.

He was a monster, the kind my consort had no alarm or concern about, but always set my teeth on edge. Mr. Ellis hated women with a depth that was frightening, and as is usually the case, it went back to his mother and the abuses she wrought on him. Gave me a moment or two of pause. He had committed verbal, emotional and physical abuses that the simplest of which were revolting at best, at worst had destroyed lives; he had committed innumerable rapes up to and including murder, doing his darndest to counter the overall decrease in sexual assault over the last two decades. When I found Cindy—the rape was atrocious—the only reason I could even bring myself to continue to look was that the man I was looking for was there, even if only ancillarily. In a way, I truly wanted the horrors of what my spouse had done to him to follow him all the days of his life. The dozen deaths that were set in motion for him to experience through the lines would have been too good for him.

But I knew I wasn’t going to be able to accept that, either, and had to settle for unhooking the ability my dearest heart had left him with, making it so he couldn’t wreak his unholy will on the innocent any more. The glassworks I had been working with were all this horrible thing’s handiwork with only a slight tinge of he to whom I had forsaken all others for—that I was so unrighteously disconnected myself from, that I was trying to find—and the best thing I had done this last year was make it so Ellis couldn’t control anyone through the glassworks ever again, save one.

I finally found what I was looking for: the line that led back to my man; he had missed it. It was thin, gossamer, and wretchedly tangled, but it was there, and I could follow it back to what I myself needed. Bad as things were with Mr. Poe, things were worse without him, and I knew and accepted that now, and could foresee as little as my ability to do that allowed, expecting the road I was on to be difficult at best.

That only left Melinda. The lines from Ellis to her were too many for me; they didn’t amount to little connections here or there, they were to the depths of soul, and, as much as it saddened me to leave her with this abnormality, the only thing I could pray for was my faith in her own strength to keep him at bay from everyone else. I gave her enough of a survival instinct to try to stay alive, to eat and not let the mess get too bad, and permission to herself to go ahead and love and care for the villain she would be cursed with for the rest of her life.

###

“MY DEAREST treasure, you have found me. Even I am impressed.”

My heart was racing, melting, catching, breaking, mending, lifting, flying, laughing, crying, stopping, starting, stopping, starting, starting, starting. I found my legs unable to support me, and I knelt down before him, into the only proper position for me to be in before him and wept.

“And to what do I owe this?”

Couldn’t talk; had some more crying to do. His putting his hands on me didn’t do a thing to stop the waterworks.

“I must insist, my love, that you get this all out of your system faster, and speak with me.”

I could feel him rummaging around in me, to try to find something to extend in a little comfort. His efforts in the glassworks never worked on me, but it was sweet of him to try. Eventually I had cried enough to have cried enough for a while, and managed to get some semblance of words out.

“I…I am so sorry. I have been horrible to you. Please forgive me.” I was gearing up to bawl again; couldn’t help it.

“My nearest, the idea that you have come here without assault weapons blazing does more for me than my delicate ego deserves. I do, though, believe I was the ogre, if I recall.”

“But that doesn’t excuse my leaving you. It was heartless of me. And I am here to make amends.”

“I do not know what that means, my breath.”

I could finally consume air again without shedding salty water. “Th-there have been a great many things I have refused you, my soul, that I should have no position to deny you from. And I come to you to now offer them to you as a a a tribute to the…baser things I have always scoffed at, ridiculed, set myself apart from and tried to stand above as superior to you, that I indeed now acknowledge as a part of you, a part I must love, a part I can no longer use as a way to exert power over you.” I let it settle a moment before I finished what I had come here to say. “I am here to submit to you, my lord.”

He sat and looked at me for the longest time, inscrutable. I waited, for I could do no other thing without disrupting the restoration I sought. I tried not to anticipate, tried not to make connections, tried not to do anything except prepare to accept whatever he said next.

“And what, as an example, might such a thing be, that you feel you’ve kept me from?”

I wasn’t exactly prepared to be called on for a freeform demonstration; I had expected something more along the lines of a direct order, and had spent a long time considering what might some of those requests be, and how could I fulfill them with whatever grace I could assemble. Given the number of permutations I had considered, I chose something that I assumed to be reasonable to be somewhere near the top of the list. I got my knees to move, and wielded enough willpower to keep from falling right back down. After two breaths, standing before him, my him, my all, I felt for and found the catches to my clothing, setting about to release it all. Naked, nude, bare, unconcealed, unprotected, stripped, defenseless was only the beginning. He had seen it all before—albeit a long time ago—and this alone was not the end of my gift, the offering I had worried so much over. Once I was without garb, I turned my back to him, looked over my shoulder, tipping my head down the way I knew he liked, and pronounced the words I had planned for, the words I had practiced, with the smile I truly felt: “Please. Come in.” I closed my eyes, bent at the waist, reached around toward him, behind myself, and set about to humiliate myself, suggesting a way in he had not been granted. I spread the cheeks of my bottom, feeling the cool air caress my anus, adjusting myself to point my exposure directly at him, and waited. And waited. My face flushed, what if I have done the wrong thing, and I had no choice on this course but to wait and breathe and what if he says no, will this be for naught, I waited, I deserved to wait, to be embarrassed by this, I know this is what he wants, I waited I waited I waited.

I could feel a tear trickle out from between my eyelids, and I made a slight whimper. I was defeated. I was lost. I was denied. I had nowhere to go.

“Sweetheart.”

The floor called my name, and I raced to it, throwing my face on to it, my knees hurt and I didn’t mind, I arched my back, pulled harder with my hands, and had more tears to cry. I shuddered and bawled and wailed and lamented my shortcomings and begged, God, how I begged, please, my love, take what you want, my ass, my cunt, my mouth, my life, here, here, here. Take me, use me, hurt me, bend me, break me, just please, please, please, fuck me, if you ever loved me, if there is the slightest hope you can love me again, fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me now.

“Beloved. Have you seen our son lately?”

I threw myself up, whirling to face him. Nothing ruins the mood like the mention of offspring, and it took a moment, a quick moment, to recover enough to answer him; this was unexpected. I released my arrogance, my need, my desire, and lowered my eyes: “No. Not for a long time.”

“Let’s go see him.”

###

THE CAR he had was laughable. It sputtered, it wheezed, it argued. It was like old times, and I felt like things were maybe going to be alright between us. It was worth letting my hair down, I decided, especially considering what I had done not an hour before. Please, let it be alright between us. We need to be able to talk. I need us to be able to talk. Both hands and one foot, now both hands and both feet.

“Why did you do that?”

“Hmm? Do what, my pet?”

“Ellis. And why would you let him perform those atrocities on all those poor women?”

“Frankly, my dear, I was a little bored.”

“But some of them may have been important; Ellis was terrible at this, and they were all going to die.”

“They will anyway. There are over seven b-i-l-l-i-o-n of the little wretches running around; no one would miss the few that my amusements cost.”

“I understand you have a bent for destruction that I am trying to accept. Why didn’t you just start another war?”

“Ach, wars are so difficult. All the prep work, to try to find a way to make the conflicts happen at the cultural level, it’s exhausting, and I’m still trying to recover from the last one. Besides, the humans have made war too destructive. Retool the wrong person, and they could end everyone with the touch of a button. It took quite the effort to get this crowd here as it was, and to have to replace them? We’d have to ask for help, and that would be embarrassing.”

I set about to be faithful and fill the vehicle with acceptance, understanding, cooperation, compliance, submission. I had to trust him. Had to. Had to. Before I could change the subject, he beat me to it.

“Besides, it did what I wanted. It got your attention.”

The sun shone a little brighter, the bucket of bolts got a little quieter, and my redemption was at hand.

“I-I love you, Mr. Poe.”

“And I love you, Mrs. Poe.”

I fell back into the already-old habit of weeping, and found my joy in a crappy automobile in the middle of a nameless road, in the middle of some continent that continued to move with or without me, in the middle of some century I had no more concern for.

Eventually, I wanted to say something, anything to encounter my partner again, just to hear his voice. “You do know, Honey, that that suit fell out of fashion over ninety years ago.”

“Why, my loving wife gave this to me. Wouldn’t dream of changing it.”

“Well, your loving wife desperately needs to shop for you.”

“Whatever would make you happy, my familiar.” He smiled, I rejoiced, and just like that, we were back. The Poes were back, and we were again a couple, and we were on our way to becoming a family again, and I was indeed happy. I slept.

It was dark when we got there, where were we, some local podunk fine arts facility that rented out rooms to make ends meet. The clunker died in the parking lot. He left the keys in it, “I don’t think that will get us much further,” and we abandoned it, stepping inside.

“Ah. Still has a penchant for the Oriental, I see.”

We passed a sign on our way into the ballroom: “Chinese New Year Celebration.” Once inside, the decadence was reminiscent of the Qing dynasty; there wasn’t a stitch of clothing on any human form in the room. The orgy was wild enough to even get my jaded better half’s attention. Screams punctuated the walls, the ceiling, overlaying the moans and groans, and the curse words of sex were the chorus, no translation necessary: Jībā, shăbī, yín chóng, chòu biăozi, bàojúhuā, cào, gàn, rì, rì, rì.

In the middle of it all, above it all, was our son, our beloved son, and the room was full of lines, all leading to him; this will take years to repair. He was participating, controlling, enjoying every act within range. There was a woman’s head in his lap—unusual that she was the only Vietnamese there—with a small round scar on the side of her face. The poor thing was miserable, gagging, crying and appeared to have been doing so for quite some time. As the only non-participants in the orgy in the expanse, we immediately got our boy’s attention.

“Mom! Dad! Omigod!”

“Darling!” I ran up to him and threw my arms around him.

“What are you two doing here? I’m so happy to see you!”

“Haven’t wearied yourself with the Asian crowd, yet, eh boy? I have all the confidence in the world you will someday discover the Jews, or maybe even the Presbyterians. Having fun?”

My beloved sat beside me; I was between the two men on earth I loved more than myself, and it was heady, dreamy, and the bliss I had been waiting for all this time was mine; it was here, and I fell into it headlong.

“Yeah. Isn’t this great?”

“My son, I must say, I can totally understand; at some point, sooner or later, a boy wants to have relations his mother, and your solution to that problem is inspired. But it is utterly wrong.”

Oh, God, have relations with my husband, with my with my my wait, son?

“What?” That wasn’t me. It was the dreamboat to my right. Never mind; what was I just thinking about?

“You imbecile. You somehow managed to push her, to change her, to reglass her, and even though I don’t know how you did that, you have made a rather serious problem for yourself.”

No, no, no problems here. Mmmm.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Your lines are into her. So, if I were to do to her what husbands do to their wives, you won’t feel it as me. You’ll feel it as her. In effect, you’ll be having relations with me. Makes me wonder some things.”

Why are we wasting time talking? Why aren’t we fucking? Isn’t this an orgy?

“Wait, what? No, no, that’s not what I wanted.”

“And that is the problem. She’s the only one of us that can unhook lines. But not if she can’t see them.”

God, I’m thirsty. Is there something I could put in my mouth that might have something in it, something that might eventually come out and be wet? Yeah, I’m sure, both of you have what I want, I don’t care who starts, please, please, please.

“No! No! That’s not right! Wait! You have to fix this! Dad!”

“It would have been better for all concerned if you had simply taken what you wanted from her, instead of weaving in this cockamamie scheme to get Mommy and Daddy back together. Wife!”

Father, son, my God, what does that make me? Whatever it was, it was sacred. I looked up at my love, my everything. Yes, yes, yes, “Yes?”

He pulled his face into a grin, the gaping ear-to-ear shit-eating fuck-you grin I loved him for; it was such a secret indulgence for me. “Fuck everyone in the room, my precious. Have a ball.” He looked over me, past me. “You too, son.” Then back to me. “Come find me in Easton when you’re done. I’ve got a teacher to look in on.” And he stepped away, slipping out of the door, leaving me to fulfill his need for me, through me, with me, praise God, I love this man.

I had the time of my life. Funny, my son didn’t seem to be in very high spirits, and he screamed a lot; odd that he did it when I did.

###

Enormous continued appreciations to the inspirations of Parker and pamela, and the other numerous generous writers that are so worth the admiration they so deserve. And continued desires, on my part, for their continued indulgences for what I keep doing to their creations.